It is a shame I am your lover.

Thursday, August 13, 2009, 01:10

Breaking the habit.

Time check:one ten.
i've got school tomorrow, but i've ALSO got plenty of math to complete. never seems to end, these assignments. friday is Final exams already, so soon. fri, sat, mon, and we're done. holidays for seven weeks. might look for a day job (current job being sort of night.) and earn some extra income.. at the same time, being busy will get my mind off things.
so steve, dont worry so, im not going mad as pie, my head is just stuck in the past, and im having a hard time yanking my head out. i will, in due time.
had a fun chat with Quan.

Quan said (00:12):
LOL a+bj remind me of anal + blowjob
Eliz you anal bitch.(★). said (00:13):
OH MY GAWD YOUR SO FUCKING DIRTY

welcome to the world of complex numbers in rectangular form.

and i know. i meant to type YOU'RE.
in the mean time.

When you browse thru other people's life and see the problems they have, compare it to your own, and realize one of two things: your troubles are so minute compared to theirs, or their troubles are so minute compared to yours.

sometimes when you pop back into my life, my mind start ticking, non-stop.

when you hear a song you feel you relate to, but the song is not about how you're feeling.

time is flying, flying like doves. gotta go!
my leg's still swollen. :|
my throat's still gross. :|

random shot taken after Up. check out my awkward hand! and my new bangs too.

Labels: Emorant =\, MSNing ^-^, Ngeeann ah., sick :|

Thursday, August 6, 2009, 00:26

So close.

Ut amem et foveam

Bad day, just bad. gotta wake up.

When you realize you just hurt the one you'd never in your wildest dreams thought to hurt, a ball of fire just whirls through your body and burn you, slowly but surely. you want to defend yourself; no, you did not mean to hurt, never in a thousand years, you want to explain, but somehow the words seemed choked in a place where the rest of the crushed papers were. when you had the chance to explain, you didnt, and when the chance was lost and you were left along without a second glance, that's when the regret sits in.

but think twice: were there anything to explain about? you know how the one feels. you know where the one came from.

Still feeling like fuck. two tests tomorrow: EEPS, ENGMEC. congrats, Eliz. you can bang the wall now. what happened to studying, Eliz? what happened when you've lost your last hope?

Labels: Emorant =\

Monday, July 27, 2009, 22:44

Thousand miles away.

Went to school today, studies pretty productive, for EG1 at least. Went to eat at SIM with Jon and Haiqal after Eltech ended, then we went to find Ms Maisie afterwards. math for two hours, engmec for one hour, and off we went, home. MRT-ed with Jon. went t find Weekit at GP. Talk cock. He returned the library books for me, thank goodness.

Isn't life a bitch?

Feeling like im suffocating, emotions suppressed and voice unheard. if i told you what i wanted to, you'd be hurt and i'll be hurt in the process. why not keep it all to myself and hurt one less person? the feeling im feeling will pass. at the moment i'll just keep quiet and stay withdrawn, and be scolded for my bad-ass attitude and endure further. who care much about how fucked im feeling anyway? talk to the walls.

Labels: Emorant =\

Saturday, July 4, 2009, 23:58

Let's stop pretending, okay?

23:59.

Love the new blogsong.

totally /wrist and fun.

im in the weird mood today. feeling sad when i should be happy, feeling just weird.

webcam session with Yuanxing and Kirk.. we the bored.

Kirk with polo, yx with grape, eliz with a smile.

*****

Running away doesnt help, the mentality that it would wont go, the fear at the back of my mind unfading, the memory of you permament. stuck, somehow, weird in the most normal way, not that it make sense anyway, since i was the one who said no. remembering the forgotten. bad dreams makes everything feel weird. negativity sits heavily.

*****

Church tomorrow morning, gonna make it a practice all over again. missing father mike so much. hope he'll visit us somehow, once again. ):.

Labels: Churching :0, Dreams, Emorant =\, PICTUREZ., Songcraze, Uncertainties

Thursday, June 25, 2009, 02:49

let's drop.

Ten days later.

last week of holidays.

assignments are all uncompleted.

week's been crazily packed:

Work after tanning @ Sentosa on Monday.

Work on Tuesday @ Jurong East.

Dipping in the water @ Sentosa on Wednesday, no sun, no tanning.

Wednesday! After Sentosa with Yuanxing, Beeying and her classmates, went to Vivo for dinner. Carl's Junior. went outside to talk. went in again, loo. went to somewhere else to talk. half an hours later, realized that my mobile is not with me. in the mind's eye, i cant even see myself placing the phone on top of the toilet roll thing.... and then walking out freely. CHAOCHEENIANG. I FUCKING LOST MY FUCKING MOBILE FUCKING PHONE.

quite pissed off with myself. thank goodness Beee and Yuanxing was around.

Called Singtel to suspend the line, and they are sending a new sim card over tomorrow evening. efficient innit?

still...

all the contacts. gone gone gone ah. how to get every single one back?

and the text messages. and pictures. songs.

FUNGS.

Gerald,BigMe. said (00:54):
going off to sleep.
need anything except a new phone, call me :>

Jo Jung Eun says (03:02):
jiu de bu chu, sin de bu lai
Eliz ):. lost me mobile. sad fuck. says (03:02):
AHHHA. mei you qian lei.
Eliz ):. lost me mobile. sad fuck. says (03:03):
xin de zhen yang lai?
Jo Jung Eun says (03:04):
HAHA.
use your blain use your blain!

Gerald and Jo Jung Eun. so helpful ):

OH. Jo is Jasmine. what she said is: If old stuffs dont go, new stuffs wont come. i replied no money, how new stuffs come? then the use your blain -.-

SAD LA.

I GO SLIT WRIST AND EMO LIAO. *tiniest glimmer of hope that a kind stranger will return my phone after enjoying going thru' my pictures/ music/ text/ notes. but a kind person wont go thru my mobile, let alone switch it off right? SIGH.

i'm going to burst that glimmer of hope. just wait for my paycheque. i guess.

Labels: Emorant =\, Out., Songcraze

Wednesday, May 27, 2009, 20:58

Get it over with.

Feeling quite tired of everything suddenly. remembered the survey in the library: how many day in a month do you feel full of energy? i wrote 4, cuz there are four weeks in a month, and weekends, more specifically, saturdays, are my sleep days. but sunday is a work day, which mean that i have to finish all my assignments on saturday. bah. how often do you think of life after death? quite often, not that i've figure it out anyway. so i keep on thinking.

so tired.

kind of fucking tired of doing all the work. forgetting. cursing myself. doing overdued assignments. tired tired tired. stoning in class. trying to concentrate. kind of not working but.

just trying.

and yes. i lied. i dont feel full of energy 4 times a month.

[14:14, class.]

Labels: Emorant =\, Ngeeann ah.

Thursday, May 7, 2009, 22:13

Giving up.

Had quite a bad morning, was quite sick until the point when i dont really wanna go to school. but i went. for EEPS. lecturer (sir!) said lesson's pretty important, you skip you liao. so i went despite the whinny eliz whining up a storm in my head.

so it was a good idea, until 3 pm. bacause 14 students from PB22 went to Beauty world to eat together. like. class outing. cuz it was a far walk. yes, we walked. working up an appetite huh. so.. food was great, company was awesome, bonding was the best. was so cheerful after that two hours long break.

then come EEPS. i didnt understand a thing. i couldnt decipher the diagrams. and almost everyone else were following along fine. felt like fuck lor. just stood around and peep here and there. wires wires wires. and then nas reminded me the autocad guy's friend dropped out of poly due to EEPS. quite scared ah.

after school, cabbed home with jon. then they dont accept nets. JIAOWEI. so annoyed. so now i owe jon money. Walau.

I dunno why am i writing so much. im going nuts soon. my mom's asking me not to work for another 2 weeks.. cuz of my persistent cough and crazy timetable. ):. i think my immune system shutting down or something.

money eh. money or rest. money or rest. so fucked up.

stress ah.

Have been discussing life/death with my kakis.. What do you wanna be in future? how old do you wanna be when you die?

And i keep thinking.. thinking about life/death a lot recently. past few days lah.

Really demoralized after EEPS. Nas called me, then gave a wee bit boost to my spirits. thn steven called me. said my cough's really fucked up ah, take care of yourself ley. talk about work, army, navy, work, school (scratched the surface), meeting up, unsuccessful meetups.

Just for a minute, let me be. let me let go, let me break, let me scream, let me cry, let me scream. just. because i dont know when i'll just

forget it.

because i dont say.

Labels: Emorant =\, Ngeeann ah., sick :|, Uncertainties

Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 01:11

Emotions

First, Gladness came by and sat beside my self. soon after having her close by for a long period of time, i began to treat her as part of the deco and no longer treat her with significance- and when she faded away, i didn't realize- until Annoyance came by and sat in her sit.

*****

So i went to malaysia today, went to Tesco, wanted to get some stuffs ( shoes. bag. clothes etc.) but we were in a hurry and did not had time to browse. sad to say. so i came home empty handed.

dad said he'd bring me and sissy to vivo/ plaza sing. if we wanna, tomorrow ( technically, later)

*****

Tsk. cant help but feel a little frustrated. things are not going the way i wanted it to, but fuck, that's life. feeling very low, like underground low. kept my earsplugged onto mpsan's music, hoping to feel a little reprive from my feelings. (yes, too strong a word, wdv.) mind tend to wander when there's silence, and silence is never louder when you're travelling and when you prone to tune out to noise.

i put on a mask, every single day.

eliz be happy. dont think too much, and rest well. oh, and my eyes is getting better too! for anyone wanting to know.

eliz craves for nike hoodie. fox hoodie. ipod. more hoodies. purse. nike tote/ gym/ club bag. cotton on slip slops. sleep. peep toes. tees. jeans. shorts. converse shoes. mushroom soup. pizza hut. pineapple tarts. rainbow socks. ballet flats.

and sambal chaofan.

As easy as one, two, twenty-five.

Steven asked me what's with 25.

I said: because things are never as easy and one, two, three.

Labels: Emorant =\, Hookies., Out., Rant., Songcraze, Stan speaking :D

Thursday, December 11, 2008, 01:45

Coincidental.?

Went for supper with uncle and sister after work, walau eh eat like never eat burger before like that. had mcspicy.. doesnt taste as good as i expected. used to be spicier. bah. disappointment. green tea was.. diluted. sad. fries was grats :D hot and saltless. yay.

I'm feeling fat. damn fat.

Then i got home and got online. jonathan, my colleague, told me HE WAS FROM HG TOO!!! fking coincidental. damn. haha. we were caps-ing at each other like, siao can. haha.

he kept saying xue mei! xue mei! my xue mei!

HAHAHA. SIAOKIA.

then he told me that he hated singing national anthem, so in the morning he'd hide in the toilet

-.-

then

MORE RANDOM. he ask me to play pet society on FB.

just have to play and decorate your own house
and like go earn money and decorate yourself
and visit ppl house to earn money

WALAU EH. FKING FUNNY. The definition of pet society.. reduced into three lines.

Same school leh! walau. got so qiao or not.

hehe. momo and popo's 26th Wedding anniversary coming up! got food and drinks at me house. so happy. then many many people.

i like twilight! ^-^

With wings, i'll fly into the sky, when i'm angry, when i'm sad, when i'm lonely, when i'm depressed.

i'll fly high, one day on the tallest building, one day on the biggest tree, one day onto a cloud, watching stray planes fly by. i'll wave to the people inside, and they'll look amazed to see me there.

tomorrow, i'll fly and land on a tree, i'll have squirrels for friends and nuts for food. no one will notice me gone and when i'm back, no one will remember me.

of course, all these are just-

a dream.

dream of a girl, who cant be anymore normal.

(Come here and see me, swing me on my mood swing.)

did i make it that easy, for you to walk in and out of

my life? misery, misery.

Labels: Emorant =\, Fantasizing., MSNing ^-^, School. :), Songcraze, Weh random :D, Work :0

Sunday, November 16, 2008, 23:00

Biggest fool of all.

Hi poles :|

havent been speaking to many people, mainly because i'm not feeling quite so well, very moodless and all, didn't wanna influence you guys as well, with my bad as flu kind of emo black cloud hanging over my heart. sounds very corn hor, but ya. so it's bad.

just came back from Malaysia, thought it might help to loosen up the knots fucking stuck in me, but noooooo. worked for a while, went to Neway, karoke my peas away, sing like a SCB, felt pretty good (:. then when the monotonuous afternoon dragged on, my thoughts drifted again. sitting on the swings, i watch life rolls by as dark clouds gathers in the skies above.

FYYNBCB, TMFW? YAYFSG.

:| Wishlist is growing longer by the days. wishes are getting more and more absurd. but it's mine to wish for, so don't say a word, darling.

Sick of being sick :| low. immune. system. man. low, low, low low low low low low.

will try to cheer up soon, goodbye my lover.

Labels: Emorant =\

Tuesday, November 4, 2008, 17:56

Never knew what i was missing.

F&n buang ah.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Kay neeways. Big Fat O is going to be over and done with sooon. so glad. at last ^.^ then can go zuo gong and zhuan qian. oh must do résumé! :D

Uhuhuh.

F&n, like the previous paper, was a sweaty affair. no fan, no fan. i'm situated in about the center. then it rained halfway through. buang weather.

i like kit kat.

Amplify 20th YISS

Cheegopek on the way home i thought of sooooo many thing to blog. then i forget them all the moment i step in the front door.

Oh yes. tomorrow is chai-neeze. must memorise formats.

I wanna buy a black hoodie, a new wallet, a camera, a new mp3/4, earbuds, shoes, and more shoes. oh yes. clothes. man. YISS is coming in about.. a month odd! that means...... CHRISTMAS IS COMING, CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!!!!!!! HELL YEAH. i love, lurve, luv, <3,>

I WANT A JOB.

Awkward silence, that replaced the once easy flow of conversation.

Some days i think.

Some days i think a lot.

You, you, you.

What? i'm just being me, i'm trying to change, i know, i'm a bitch, i know what i did, i'm sorry, but does it even matter? i know things doesn't always change with a sorry. i know angry words hurts the most. and i know what's hurt. who where what when why how? change is constant, learn. man are creatures of habit, learn. oh, just forget it. You!

I know it's a long post. posted over an hour leh. siao one.

Labels: Amp ^-^, Camp:D, Emorant =\, Weh random :D

Wednesday, August 6, 2008, 20:59

Like a fish out of water.

I'm so frustrated, trying to get away from all the things that i avoid.
(Stop and stare)
Idk, i've told you, and those before that i am scared. Everyone gets scared, i get superscared? idk. it's annoying sometimes, but i think. i just dont like
commitments! Farrrg. KAOBEI LA. WO DE HAMSTER DIE ALREADY LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. the next pet i get will be tortise or something. lives forever huh!!! KAOBEIKIA. i'm so moody today ): and i dont like it.
Today is NMD.

Stop and stare, I think I'm moving but I go nowhere. Yeah I know that everyone gets scared. But I've become what I can't be, oh. Stop and stare. You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there. And you'd give anything to get what's fair. But fair ain't what you really need. Oh, can you see what I see.

Labels: Emorant =\

Thursday, June 26, 2008, 20:23

You know what? me neither.

sometimes things like this makes me feel so vulnerable. i dont like the feeling of being pressured, i believe no one does. this little things that keeps me afraid, like a child afraid of jumping right into the pool, afraid of the depth, of the darkness. of course, to know th joys you must first have the bravery to jump i right? right. but maybe, i'm just a coward. scardy cat kinda thing. crying doesn't help me, no. it just makes my eyes shrink to a smaller size. but sometimes the release can be just so... undescribable. i got a confession babeh. wanna hear? some are afraid of the big bad wolf. i'm just afraid of relationships ):
----------------------------------------------------------
like a child afraid of the bogeyman, i'm afraid. idk, maybe i should become a nun or sonething. haha. great joke eliz, great joke.

wo zhen de bu dong, wei she me wo zhe me pa. pa she me? ta dou bu chi ren. ta ma de. wo dong ni du bu dong. sua. i'm so emo today. haha. i'll wear red tmr.

Labels: Emorant =\, Weh random :D

Thursday, May 29, 2008, 20:53

We will still be BFF right? right?

As i was standing by the basin earlier, washing dishes absent-mindedly, i was thinking, was it about this time, last year, that we made a pact to visit that particular place, together? it hit me like a ton of brick. very cliche, yes, but the feeling is exactly that. then i walk, dazed, into this room, and am now typing to eminem's when i'm gone. those feelings rushed by me again. was it really last year? time flies, even when you're not having fun. every second may stretch, but days still flew like a pack of crazed birds. tomorrow is friday, four days ago was monday. O levels passed already, that frantic period of intensive chinese, all gone already? now, HELP programme is also coming to an end. remembering what jasmine yesterday (or was it today? i don't really remember.) next year, this very day, what will we all be doing? everyone says 'must keep in contact hor! must not lose contact k?!' but, is it really going to be like that? three songs just flew by while i'm still typing. i ponder upon those words, and i realize that, that's what i did in primary school too, with my primary school friends. what happened? what indeed.

Labels: Emorant =\

jolly fine Bandyaids.



	Hi, my name is Your mom. + Archives April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 + Credits Host: Blogger Layout © the bikini boy	Thursday, August 13, 2009, 01:10 Breaking the habit. Time check:one ten. i've got school tomorrow, but i've ALSO got plenty of math to complete. never seems to end, these assignments. friday is Final exams already, so soon. fri, sat, mon, and we're done. holidays for seven weeks. might look for a day job (current job being sort of night.) and earn some extra income.. at the same time, being busy will get my mind off things. so steve, dont worry so, im not going mad as pie, my head is just stuck in the past, and im having a hard time yanking my head out. i will, in due time. had a fun chat with Quan. Quan said (00:12): LOL a+bj remind me of anal + blowjob Eliz you anal bitch.(★). said (00:13): OH MY GAWD YOUR SO FUCKING DIRTY welcome to the world of complex numbers in rectangular form. and i know. i meant to type YOU'RE. in the mean time. When you browse thru other people's life and see the problems they have, compare it to your own, and realize one of two things: your troubles are so minute compared to theirs, or their troubles are so minute compared to yours. sometimes when you pop back into my life, my mind start ticking, non-stop. when you hear a song you feel you relate to, but the song is not about how you're feeling. time is flying, flying like doves. gotta go! my leg's still swollen. :\| my throat's still gross. :\| random shot taken after Up. check out my awkward hand! and my new bangs too. Labels: Emorant =\, MSNing ^-^, Ngeeann ah., sick :\| Thursday, August 6, 2009, 00:26 So close. Ut amem et foveam Bad day, just bad. gotta wake up. When you realize you just hurt the one you'd never in your wildest dreams thought to hurt, a ball of fire just whirls through your body and burn you, slowly but surely. you want to defend yourself; no, you did not mean to hurt, never in a thousand years, you want to explain, but somehow the words seemed choked in a place where the rest of the crushed papers were. when you had the chance to explain, you didnt, and when the chance was lost and you were left along without a second glance, that's when the regret sits in. but think twice: were there anything to explain about? you know how the one feels. you know where the one came from. Still feeling like fuck. two tests tomorrow: EEPS, ENGMEC. congrats, Eliz. you can bang the wall now. what happened to studying, Eliz? what happened when you've lost your last hope? Labels: Emorant =\ Monday, July 27, 2009, 22:44 Thousand miles away. Went to school today, studies pretty productive, for EG1 at least. Went to eat at SIM with Jon and Haiqal after Eltech ended, then we went to find Ms Maisie afterwards. math for two hours, engmec for one hour, and off we went, home. MRT-ed with Jon. went t find Weekit at GP. Talk cock. He returned the library books for me, thank goodness. Isn't life a bitch? Feeling like im suffocating, emotions suppressed and voice unheard. if i told you what i wanted to, you'd be hurt and i'll be hurt in the process. why not keep it all to myself and hurt one less person? the feeling im feeling will pass. at the moment i'll just keep quiet and stay withdrawn, and be scolded for my bad-ass attitude and endure further. who care much about how fucked im feeling anyway? talk to the walls. Labels: Emorant =\ Saturday, July 4, 2009, 23:58 Let's stop pretending, okay? 23:59. Love the new blogsong. totally /wrist and fun. im in the weird mood today. feeling sad when i should be happy, feeling just weird. webcam session with Yuanxing and Kirk.. we the bored. Kirk with polo, yx with grape, eliz with a smile. *** Running away doesnt help, the mentality that it would wont go, the fear at the back of my mind unfading, the memory of you permament. stuck, somehow, weird in the most normal way, not that it make sense anyway, since i was the one who said no. remembering the forgotten. bad dreams makes everything feel weird. negativity sits heavily. *** Church tomorrow morning, gonna make it a practice all over again. missing father mike so much. hope he'll visit us somehow, once again. ):. Labels: Churching :0, Dreams, Emorant =\, PICTUREZ., Songcraze, Uncertainties Thursday, June 25, 2009, 02:49 let's drop. Ten days later. last week of holidays. assignments are all uncompleted. week's been crazily packed: Work after tanning @ Sentosa on Monday. Work on Tuesday @ Jurong East. Dipping in the water @ Sentosa on Wednesday, no sun, no tanning. Wednesday! After Sentosa with Yuanxing, Beeying and her classmates, went to Vivo for dinner. Carl's Junior. went outside to talk. went in again, loo. went to somewhere else to talk. half an hours later, realized that my mobile is not with me. in the mind's eye, i cant even see myself placing the phone on top of the toilet roll thing.... and then walking out freely. CHAOCHEENIANG. I FUCKING LOST MY FUCKING MOBILE FUCKING PHONE. quite pissed off with myself. thank goodness Beee and Yuanxing was around. Called Singtel to suspend the line, and they are sending a new sim card over tomorrow evening. efficient innit? ): still... all the contacts. gone gone gone ah. how to get every single one back? and the text messages. and pictures. songs. FUNGS. Gerald,BigMe. said (00:54): going off to sleep. need anything except a new phone, call me :> Jo Jung Eun says (03:02): jiu de bu chu, sin de bu lai Eliz ):. lost me mobile. sad fuck. says (03:02): AHHHA. mei you qian lei. Eliz ):. lost me mobile. sad fuck. says (03:03): xin de zhen yang lai? Jo Jung Eun says (03:04): HAHA. use your blain use your blain! Gerald and Jo Jung Eun. so helpful ): OH. Jo is Jasmine. what she said is: If old stuffs dont go, new stuffs wont come. i replied no money, how new stuffs come? then the use your blain -.- SAD LA. I GO SLIT WRIST AND EMO LIAO. tiniest glimmer of hope that a kind stranger will return my phone after enjoying going thru' my pictures/ music/ text/ notes. but a kind person wont go thru my mobile, let alone switch it off right? SIGH. i'm going to burst that glimmer of hope. just wait for my paycheque. i guess. Labels: Emorant =\, Out., Songcraze Wednesday, May 27, 2009, 20:58 Get it over with. Feeling quite tired of everything suddenly. remembered the survey in the library: how many day in a month do you feel full of energy? i wrote 4, cuz there are four weeks in a month, and weekends, more specifically, saturdays, are my sleep days. but sunday is a work day, which mean that i have to finish all my assignments on saturday. bah. how often do you think of life after death? quite often, not that i've figure it out anyway. so i keep on thinking. so tired. kind of fucking tired of doing all the work. forgetting. cursing myself. doing overdued assignments. tired tired tired. stoning in class. trying to concentrate. kind of not working but. just trying. and yes. i lied. i dont feel full of energy 4 times a month. [14:14, class.] Labels: Emorant =\, Ngeeann ah. Thursday, May 7, 2009, 22:13 Giving up. . Had quite a bad morning, was quite sick until the point when i dont really wanna go to school. but i went. for EEPS. lecturer (sir!) said lesson's pretty important, you skip you liao. so i went despite the whinny eliz whining up a storm in my head. so it was a good idea, until 3 pm. bacause 14 students from PB22 went to Beauty world to eat together. like. class outing. cuz it was a far walk. yes, we walked. working up an appetite huh. so.. food was great, company was awesome, bonding was the best. was so cheerful after that two hours long break. then come EEPS. i didnt understand a thing. i couldnt decipher the diagrams. and almost everyone else were following along fine. felt like fuck lor. just stood around and peep here and there. wires wires wires. and then nas reminded me the autocad guy's friend dropped out of poly due to EEPS. quite scared ah. after school, cabbed home with jon. then they dont accept nets. JIAOWEI. so annoyed. so now i owe jon money. Walau. I dunno why am i writing so much. im going nuts soon. my mom's asking me not to work for another 2 weeks.. cuz of my persistent cough and crazy timetable. ):. i think my immune system shutting down or something. money eh. money or rest. money or rest. so fucked up. stress ah. Have been discussing life/death with my kakis.. What do you wanna be in future? how old do you wanna be when you die? And i keep thinking.. thinking about life/death a lot recently. past few days lah. Really demoralized after EEPS. Nas called me, then gave a wee bit boost to my spirits. thn steven called me. said my cough's really fucked up ah, take care of yourself ley. talk about work, army, navy, work, school (scratched the surface), meeting up, unsuccessful meetups. Just for a minute, let me be. let me let go, let me break, let me scream, let me cry, let me scream. just. because i dont know when i'll just forget it. because i dont say. Labels: Emorant =\, Ngeeann ah., sick :\|, Uncertainties Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 01:11 Emotions First, Gladness came by and sat beside my self. soon after having her close by for a long period of time, i began to treat her as part of the deco and no longer treat her with significance- and when she faded away, i didn't realize- until Annoyance came by and sat in her sit. ** So i went to malaysia today, went to Tesco, wanted to get some stuffs ( shoes. bag. clothes etc.) but we were in a hurry and did not had time to browse. sad to say. so i came home empty handed. dad said he'd bring me and sissy to vivo/ plaza sing. if we wanna, tomorrow ( technically, later) *** Tsk. cant help but feel a little frustrated. things are not going the way i wanted it to, but fuck, that's life. feeling very low, like underground low. kept my earsplugged onto mpsan's music, hoping to feel a little reprive from my feelings. (yes, too strong a word, wdv.) mind tend to wander when there's silence, and silence is never louder when you're travelling and when you prone to tune out to noise. i put on a mask, every single day. eliz be happy. dont think too much, and rest well. oh, and my eyes is getting better too! for anyone wanting to know. eliz craves for nike hoodie. fox hoodie. ipod. more hoodies. purse. nike tote/ gym/ club bag. cotton on slip slops. sleep. peep toes. tees. jeans. shorts. converse shoes. mushroom soup. pizza hut. pineapple tarts. rainbow socks. ballet flats. and sambal chaofan. As easy as one, two, twenty-five. Steven asked me what's with 25. I said: because things are never as easy and one, two, three. Labels: Emorant =\, Hookies., Out., Rant., Songcraze, Stan speaking :D Thursday, December 11, 2008, 01:45 Coincidental.? Went for supper with uncle and sister after work, walau eh eat like never eat burger before like that. had mcspicy.. doesnt taste as good as i expected. used to be spicier. bah. disappointment. green tea was.. diluted. sad. fries was grats :D hot and saltless. yay. I'm feeling fat. damn fat. ): Then i got home and got online. jonathan, my colleague, told me HE WAS FROM HG TOO!!! fking coincidental. damn. haha. we were caps-ing at each other like, siao can. haha. he kept saying xue mei! xue mei! my xue mei! HAHAHA. SIAOKIA. then he told me that he hated singing national anthem, so in the morning he'd hide in the toilet -.- then MORE RANDOM. he ask me to play pet society on FB. just have to play and decorate your own house and like go earn money and decorate yourself and visit ppl house to earn money WALAU EH. FKING FUNNY. The definition of pet society.. reduced into three lines. Same school leh! walau. got so qiao or not. hehe. momo and popo's 26th Wedding anniversary coming up! got food and drinks at me house. so happy. then many many people. i like twilight! ^-^ With wings, i'll fly into the sky, when i'm angry, when i'm sad, when i'm lonely, when i'm depressed. i'll fly high, one day on the tallest building, one day on the biggest tree, one day onto a cloud, watching stray planes fly by. i'll wave to the people inside, and they'll look amazed to see me there. tomorrow, i'll fly and land on a tree, i'll have squirrels for friends and nuts for food. no one will notice me gone and when i'm back, no one will remember me. of course, all these are just- a dream. dream of a girl, who cant be anymore normal. (Come here and see me, swing me on my mood swing.) did i make it that easy, for you to walk in and out of my life? misery, misery. Labels: Emorant =\, Fantasizing., MSNing ^-^, School. :), Songcraze, Weh random :D, Work :0 Sunday, November 16, 2008, 23:00 Biggest fool of all. Hi poles :\| havent been speaking to many people, mainly because i'm not feeling quite so well, very moodless and all, didn't wanna influence you guys as well, with my bad as flu kind of emo black cloud hanging over my heart. sounds very corn hor, but ya. so it's bad. just came back from Malaysia, thought it might help to loosen up the knots fucking stuck in me, but noooooo. worked for a while, went to Neway, karoke my peas away, sing like a SCB, felt pretty good (:. then when the monotonuous afternoon dragged on, my thoughts drifted again. sitting on the swings, i watch life rolls by as dark clouds gathers in the skies above. FYYNBCB, TMFW? YAYFSG. :\| Wishlist is growing longer by the days. wishes are getting more and more absurd. but it's mine to wish for, so don't say a word, darling. Sick of being sick :\| low. immune. system. man. low, low, low low low low low low. will try to cheer up soon, goodbye my lover. Labels: Emorant =\ Tuesday, November 4, 2008, 17:56 Never knew what i was missing. (: F&n buang ah. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kay neeways. Big Fat O is going to be over and done with sooon. so glad. at last ^.^ then can go zuo gong and zhuan qian. oh must do résumé! :D Uhuhuh. F&n, like the previous paper, was a sweaty affair. no fan, no fan. i'm situated in about the center. then it rained halfway through. buang weather. i like kit kat. Amplify 20th YISS Cheegopek on the way home i thought of sooooo many thing to blog. then i forget them all the moment i step in the front door. Oh yes. tomorrow is chai-neeze. must memorise formats. I wanna buy a black hoodie, a new wallet, a camera, a new mp3/4, earbuds, shoes, and more shoes. oh yes. clothes. man. YISS is coming in about.. a month odd! that means...... CHRISTMAS IS COMING, CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!!!!!!! HELL YEAH. i love, lurve, luv, <3,> I WANT A JOB. Awkward silence, that replaced the once easy flow of conversation. Some days i think. Some days i think a lot. You, you, you. What? i'm just being me, i'm trying to change, i know, i'm a bitch, i know what i did, i'm sorry, but does it even matter? i know things doesn't always change with a sorry. i know angry words hurts the most. and i know what's hurt. who where what when why how? change is constant, learn. man are creatures of habit, learn. oh, just forget it. You! I know it's a long post. posted over an hour leh. siao one. Labels: Amp ^-^, Camp:D, Emorant =\, Weh random :D Wednesday, August 6, 2008, 20:59 Like a fish out of water. I'm so frustrated, trying to get away from all the things that i avoid. (Stop and stare) Idk, i've told you, and those before that i am scared. Everyone gets scared, i get superscared? idk. it's annoying sometimes, but i think. i just dont like commitments! Farrrg. KAOBEI LA. WO DE HAMSTER DIE ALREADY LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. the next pet i get will be tortise or something. lives forever huh!!! KAOBEIKIA. i'm so moody today ): and i dont like it. Today is NMD. Stop and stare, I think I'm moving but I go nowhere. Yeah I know that everyone gets scared. But I've become what I can't be, oh. Stop and stare. You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there. And you'd give anything to get what's fair. But fair ain't what you really need. Oh, can you see what I see. Labels: Emorant =\ Thursday, June 26, 2008, 20:23 You know what? me neither. sometimes things like this makes me feel so vulnerable. i dont like the feeling of being pressured, i believe no one does. this little things that keeps me afraid, like a child afraid of jumping right into the pool, afraid of the depth, of the darkness. of course, to know th joys you must first have the bravery to jump i right? right. but maybe, i'm just a coward. scardy cat kinda thing. crying doesn't help me, no. it just makes my eyes shrink to a smaller size. but sometimes the release can be just so... undescribable. i got a confession babeh. wanna hear? some are afraid of the big bad wolf. i'm just afraid of relationships ): ---------------------------------------------------------- like a child afraid of the bogeyman, i'm afraid. idk, maybe i should become a nun or sonething. haha. great joke eliz, great joke. wo zhen de bu dong, wei she me wo zhe me pa. pa she me? ta dou bu chi ren. ta ma de. wo dong ni du bu dong. sua. i'm so emo today. haha. i'll wear red tmr. Labels: Emorant =\, Weh random :D Thursday, May 29, 2008, 20:53 We will still be BFF right? right? As i was standing by the basin earlier, washing dishes absent-mindedly, i was thinking, was it about this time, last year, that we made a pact to visit that particular place, together? it hit me like a ton of brick. very cliche, yes, but the feeling is exactly that. then i walk, dazed, into this room, and am now typing to eminem's when i'm gone. those feelings rushed by me again. was it really last year? time flies, even when you're not having fun. every second may stretch, but days still flew like a pack of crazed birds. tomorrow is friday, four days ago was monday. O levels passed already, that frantic period of intensive chinese, all gone already? now, HELP programme is also coming to an end. remembering what jasmine yesterday (or was it today? i don't really remember.) next year, this very day, what will we all be doing? everyone says 'must keep in contact hor! must not lose contact k?!' but, is it really going to be like that? three songs just flew by while i'm still typing. i ponder upon those words, and i realize that, that's what i did in primary school too, with my primary school friends. what happened? what indeed. Labels: Emorant =\